Toni Walks Relay for Life

Richard Crocker from HTC Diamond Cell Phone

“Oh! So good!”

The Lord was, is and continues to be good! This has been exciting month in the Crocker home! The last two years have been an adventure in faith and in spiritual, mental, emotional, relational, and physical stamina.


The Lord was good when Toni’s dad chose an “elective” heart repair about two years ago so that he could better care for mom as she entered the middle stages of her Alzheimer’s. But the “normal” operation resulted in many weeks of being hospitalized and his real home coming a month after coming back to the ranch.


The Lord was good that fall when Toni discovered “the lump,” and when we heard those words “It is cancer, and it is aggressive.” He was good when we started 2008 with chemo treatments and doctor appointment followed by appointment, over and over again! The Lord was good when we discovered in 2009 that the herceptin treatments had to be stopped because it had caused significant loss of her heart function!


The Lord was good two weeks ago on the Friday before Mother’s Day when we heard the good news from her cardiologist that her heart was doing very well. God was so very good when we heard today from her oncologist that she is “good to go!” We all had a few weepy moments in the doctor’s office knowing that the treatment was successful with no needed visits until Toni has her “six month” check up.


So May has been a good month! David was “in his cave” that he likened to a “prison” when he cried to the Lord that he trusted and had found in his past to be “Oh! So good!” Psalm 142:7, Set me free from my prison, that I may praise your name. Then the righteous will gather about me because of your goodness to me.


With David we praise God and want to speak to those who have gather around us. Our Dear Lord has been good by walking with us! He has provided us with great medical care! He has called His children to pray; and they did! He asked them to surround and support us; and they did! He has been “Oh! So good!” He gave us a Shepherding Team at Cheyenne Berean that shepherded us and they were “Oh! So good!”


So forgive us if we take the time to be reminded that He has been “Oh! So good!” and if we take the time to say one more time to you that you have been “Oh! So good!”

Heart Report

As a result of her cancer treatments Toni had some heart episodes a number of weeks ago. Today the doctor gave Toni a great report with some witticism about Toni being able to work me to death!

We rejoice! Psalm 60:3-4, You have shown your people desperate times; you have given us wine that makes us stagger. But for those who fear you, you have raised a banner to be unfurled...

Hair!

Toni’s first “real” hair cut in 13 months!

The Cancer Treatments are Over!

As of Monday, February 23, the cancer treatments are over! Since the start of 2008 Toni has had infusions every three weeks with the associated doctor visits etc. Yesterday the oncologist with Toni’s approval determined that she should not take the last four because of the heart issues that had developed. Usually, theses heart issues take care of themselves with sensible life style adjustments. What is left? A daily pill for another 4.5 years and the usual checkups, pretty minor stuff! Many have taken the same journey as Toni.

Some have journeyed this path with a few friends and some with many friends. We are thankful that we have not only done this with many good friends, but friends who prayed and walked the journey from beginning to end. Thanks for taking the journey with us!

Toni and I are most of all, thankful that we knew that the Lord Himself was watching over us and directing our paths. This is no small thing to us. To have Him watching! Psalm 121:5-8, “The Lord watches over you — the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm — he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.”

As well, the 23rd Psalm, has a renewed poignancy, “He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”

Dear Heavenly and Present Father, You wrote the promises, Your Holy Spirit reminded us of them and by faith we embraced them. Your Words are truth! Thank you for the unexpected blessings from an unexpected assignment along an unexpected path. In Jesus exceedingly precious Name! Amen!

Cardiologist added to Toni’s team

A cardiologist has been added to Toni’s cancer treatment team. She is home after some chest discomfort resulted in 20 hours in the hospital, 6 EKG’s, numerous blood draws and a nuclear imaging stress test. The results appear to be that she has cancer treatment induced high blood pressure and the weakening of the heart muscles. So we are at home with a prescription and an appointment with a cardiologist for some ongoing treatment to reinvigorate her heart!

We deeply appreciate those who have chosen to walk with us through this journey. Do you remember that Toni’s first request from those who would walk and pray with us through her cancer path was from Colossians 4:12? We are appreciating it anew ... (you are) always wrestling in prayer for (Toni), that (Toni) may stand firm in all the will of God, mature and fully assured. God has been answering your prayers!!!

THANKS

One Hand to Go!

What? Toni has been talking recently about “one hand to go!” She lifts up her hand triumphantly and says just five more treatments of herceptin. Every three weeks she has an infusion and a doctor’s appointment. Besides there have been numerous other appointments for MRIs, mammograms, blood draws, and heart function tests. Today she learned that she will not have to have another mammogram until next year and that she only has one more heart function test. So things are wrapping up quite nicely, “one hand to go!”

I have never been a great detail person and remembering Toni’s correct birth date has been an embarrassing situation at times. But December 7th, is “a day that will live in memory!” Maybe Toni is right I could remember something “if I really wanted to.” December 7th is Toni’s cancer free anniversary. The surgery was performed, the cancer removed and all the tests have confirmed that result a year later!

Everything this past week has been constantly filtered through the deep joy of God’s wonderful, amazing, mysterious, unfailing grace and mercy. Today we affirm with the psalmist, “The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy” (Ps 126:3)

Hair Progress

People have been requesting a look at Toni’s growing hair. So here is her curly top!

Some Current Details

Some details for the detail lovers. Toni started the “herceptin only” treatments today; there were some elevated blood pressure issues after the infusion so she had to wait for while until released by her doctor. Today Toni starts a five year course of a daily drug called “Femara” and on Tuesday she will have a “Muga” heart function test and later in the day a bone density test.

Chemo Done! Herceptin Continues!

Toni has completed her 8 chemo treatments!

Yeah! Hurrah! Praise the Lord!!!

These last two have greatly reduced her energy, so we are extremely glad to be over this hurdle and really ready to move on to the herceptin infusions that reportedly have few side effects. Toni will have herception infusions every three weeks until next February. Her next one is this Friday.


We came home early from Breckenridge because some dental work, that had to be postposned during chemo, began to abscess. Our dentist and good friend got her in imediately and a pulled tooth has never felt so good to Toni!

I lift up my eyes to the hills — where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. (Ps 121:1-3, NIV)

A Milestone Today

Toni has finished her chemo treatments. She will now have a series of 14 treatments, every three weeks, of a non-chemo drug that has few if any side effects. One side effect that can result however is that it can reduce heart function. This would be our prayer request for this series of treatments.

(Milestones are placed to reassure travelers that they are on the right path, how much distance has been traveled and how much more distance there is to go)

Just One More Chemo to Go!

Toni, so to speak, physically handled well the first set of four chemo treatments; we anticipated an even better response to the next set of four because the side effects were suppose to be “milder.”

HOWEVER, the next two became increasingly more difficult. Though she had a week or so after each treatment when she was filled with energy, we went from “we are riding out this storm pretty well” to this hurricane “is worse than we thought it was going to be.” She was losing some weight and had moved from no neuropathy towards stage three.

BUT, we are praising the Lord for His grace through your prayers! The doctor has adjusted her chemo and put her on another form of the drug and she has done much better … more like the first set of four treatments. God’s sufficient grace has, as always, granted sufficient courage and sufficient comfort!

Neuropathy

One of the side effects of this series of chemo treatments is neuropathy. This is a pain and numbness in various places that usually leaves after the treatments are finished. Toni's is currently locating itself more intensely in the fingers on her right hand. The result is little if any quilting because she can't feel the needle and the dropping of smaller things such as keys. This is a nuisance to say the least. I though some might find this helpful as a specific prayer item.

“Dem Dry Bones”

Your toe bone connected to your foot bone,
Your foot bone connected to your ankle bone,
Hear the word of the Lord!

Unimagined deep ache in all “dem bones.” Feeling every bone these days. Two more to go: May 9 & 30. Sabbatical little over a week away. Doing a tour of Anne of Green Gables on Prince Edwards Island May 20.

Received a prayer note from a little girl we have never met, who attends a church we have never attended, but who talks to a Physician we know and trust. Now that brings encouragement to “Dem Bones.”

Proverbs 16:24, Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

Thanks Abigail

Toni, I thought this might make you smile- drawn and dictated by 5 year old Abigail for her Sunday School prayer board.

THE BRANCH

The eyes are brighter today! Some relief from the deep bone aches! Flu combined with chemo is a bad, very bad, extremely very bad mixture!

The True Vine by Andrew Murray has been a wonderful encouragement to me (Richard) over the years. I recently re-read the meditation on THE BRANCH and found great encouragement in being reminded that I am a branch in Christ, The True Vine!

Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away --John 15:2 (NKJV)

Here we have one of the chief words of the parable--branch. A vine needs branches: without branches it can do nothing, can bear no fruit. As important as it is to know about the Vine, and the Husbandman, it is to realize what the branch is. Before we listen to what Christ has to say about it, let us first of all take in what a branch is, and what it teaches us of our life in Christ. A branch is simply a bit of wood, brought forth by the vine for the one purpose of serving it in bearing its fruit. It is of the very same nature as the vine, and has one life and one spirit with it. Just think a moment of the lessons this suggests.

There is the lesson of entire consecration. The branch has but one object for which it exists, one purpose to which it is entirely given up. That is, to bear the fruit the vine wishes to bring forth. And so the believer has but one reason for his being a branch--but one reason for his existence on earth --that the heavenly Vine may through him bring forth His fruit. Happy the soul that knows this, that has consented to it, and that says, I have been redeemed and I live for one thing--as exclusively as the natural branch exists only to bring forth fruit, I too; as exclusively as the heavenly Vine exists to bring forth fruit, I too. As I have been planted by God into Christ, I have wholly given myself to bear the fruit the Vine desires to bring forth.

There is the lesson of perfect conformity. The branch is exactly like the vine in every aspect--the same nature, the same life, the same place, the same work. In all this they are inseparably one. And so the believer needs to know that he is partaker of the divine nature, and has the very nature and spirit of Christ in him, and that his one calling is to yield himself to a perfect conformity to Christ. The branch is a perfect likeness of the vine; the only difference is, the one is great and strong, and the source of strength, the other little and feeble, ever needing and receiving strength. Even so the believer is, and is to be, the perfect likeness of Christ.

There is the lesson of absolute dependence. The vine has its stores of life and sap and strength, not for itself, but for the branches. The branches are and have nothing but what the vine provides and imparts. The believer is called to, and it is his highest blessedness to enter upon, a life of entire and unceasing dependence upon Christ. Day and night, every moment, Christ is to work in him all he needs.

And then the lesson of undoubting confidence. The branch has no cure; the vine provides all; it has but to yield itself and receive. It is the sight of this truth that leads to the blessed rest of faith, the true secret of growth and strength: "I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me."

What a life would come to us if we only consented to be branches! Dear child of God, learn the lesson. You have but one thing to do: Only be a branch--nothing more, nothing less! Just be a branch; Christ will be the Vine that gives all. And the Husbandman, the mighty God, who made the Vine what it is, will as surely make the branch what it ought to be.

Lord Jesus, I pray Thee, reveal to me the heavenly mystery of the branch, in its living union with the Vine, in its claim on all its fullness. And let Thy all-sufficiency, holding and filling Thy branches, lead me to the rest of faith that knows that Thou works all.

The True Vine: Meditations for a Month on John 15:1-16, by Andrew Murray (1828-1917)
Christian Classics Ethereal Library

Back Walking

A rough weekend ... but back to walking a few slow laps

We Love our Church Family

We love Cheyenne Berean! We are so thankful for the abundance of support! People from our church family clean the house, prepare meals, carry extra ministry loads, call, write, etc and they pray. Here is one such recent ePrayer! What away to start a Lord's Day!

“I know that with his help you will be up to the work and exertion of healing.

I've prayed for endurance, determination and strength to match the demands that winning this battle places upon you and Richard and the rest of us that care for you. My thoughts are on a woman that grabbed his hem so fiercely that the grace received was a real show stopper. She must have been determined! What do you think went through his mind when he turned to find her? No matter our view of the encounter, we can appreciate how much she wanted to be well.

There are grandchildren present and am sure that there are grandchildren yet to come that will be blessed by your willingness to keep reaching for the days ahead during these days present when effort is so total and you've spent so much to be well for them.

Thank God that there are treatments he has enabled to help you and protect your future. With each treatment I remind myself that you are that much closer to completing the course of healing by meeting the demands of a tough, but defeatable opponent. It makes your suffering easier to accept, knowing what you are leaving behind. The days yet to come, distilled through this process must surely be more precious, more sweet, more fully lived.

Know that you are loved and valued. We are fighting with you. There are so many of us, someone is always fighting with you. You are never far out of thought, out of our hearts, out of our prayers.”

Tough First Night

Expecting the side effects to be more manageable with the new set of chemo drugs, Toni has had her "toughest" first night after chemo. We thought of the Psalmist.

Hear my prayer, O Lord; let my cry come to you! Do not hide your face from me in the day of my distress! Incline your ear to me; answer me speedily in the day when I call! For my days pass away like smoke, and my bones burn like a furnace. My heart is struck down like grass and has withered; I forget to eat my bread. Because of my loud groaning my bones cling to my flesh. I am like a desert owl of the wilderness, like an owl of the waste places; I lie awake; I am like a lonely sparrow on the housetop. Ps 102:1-7, ESV

5/8's Done!

The Lord looks down from heaven; he sees all the children of man; from where he sits enthroned he looks out on all the inhabitants of the earth, he who fashions the hearts of them all and observes all their deeds. Ps 33:13-15, ESV

It is a joy to have God speak such words to our hearts!

God saw Toni as she went for her fifth treatment (of eight chemo infusions). He knew her apprehension of moving to a new set of chemo drugs and side effects. He saw her throughout the day as she was infused through the morning and throughout the afternoon until four. He saw her try to keep sleepy eyes open as the Benadryl she was given as part of the treatment took hold.

It is a joy to have God speak such words to our hearts!

The Lord saw as her friend Nancy and daughters Rachel and Cristine sat with her through the treatment. He saw six grandchildren playing throughout the day enjoying life, because Nana continues to enjoy and celebrate life! He will see her tomorrow when she goes as usual for the 24 hour follow up shot.


It is a joy to have God speak such words to our hearts!

We are anticipating experiencing a sabbatical this May-July. Part of this marvelous gift of time and provision will be a cruise from Montreal to Boston. God “foresaw,” but He will also “see” us as we enjoy this provision … this special time to “rest, reflect and renew.” Our Lord has seen the grace and generosity of the Cheyenne Berean community!

It is a joy to have God speak such words to our hearts!